Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Catching Up and Trying New Things

Where has the time gone? By looking at the date of my last post it appears that it has been much too long since I last posted!

Projects, health issues and family drama seems to pull me in all directions with the resulting chaos and a feeling of "what am I doing?" a continual journey!

I am an artist who creates cloth sculptures all hand sewn..and I also added Petite Couture to my business because I needed to find other ways to create when "Mother Nature" deemed what would be a good day or bad day. Bad days find me reaching for pain killers and the sitting and standing for extended time it takes to hand sew dolls has to be replaced by projects that can be sewn on the sewing machine instead.

Projects completed over the recent past include:
Dolls for Discworld exhibits
Tiny doll garments--20 outfits to fit 4" dolls ( a commissioned project)
A doll displayed at AFIC in Columbus, Ohio---a Steampunk doll
A Faery Wreath created for a display at a nearby bank---the display was named "Wall Flowers".
Numerous dresses for my Petite Couture line which are size 3 Toddler...to be worn by either My Size Barbie dolls, 36" tall dolls or actual Toddlers!
Several art dolls which were created for swaps with other doll artists.

And lastly..dreams of finally having a studio built were almost achieved.....land cleared and made level for the structure, plans chosen and a builder just waiting for the go ahead. I have the forms to apply for the building permit as well. The only thing standing in the way for my dreams to come true was funding. Funds that were set aside for the building project have been made not available due to the need to have home repairs done. I'm crushed!!! I want to stomp my feet and scream "NO---I have waited years for this---I have come so close---it can't be taken away---it's my turn to finally have something I need after "doing for others" for at least 30 years---something for Me---it's not fair...for me to put my wants and needs as secondary while I gave and gave of myself to make life easier for others--it was supposed to be my turn for happiness"...........but alas..my needs are set aside again. Don't misunderstand me.....repairs aren't a "non important" issue..but they are things that should have been done years ago----the funds were there but others (no names need mentioning) deemed that vehicles, TV's, satellite dishes, clothing, things for our grandchildren and one of our daughters--were where the funds went. I am not a spoiled child who is having a temper tantrum....I am someone who sees her life advancing into fewer years left in the future and many years behind me. My advancing years will be ones filled with painful days and decreasing mobility---not a maybe---several doctors have told me it is a fact due to my health issues. Is it wrong to seek something that will give me happiness in what years I do have left? Depressing? Perhaps...but after giving yourself to make others happy there comes a time when you ask yourself "when is it my turn?"

I am not ready to give up my dreams!!! I dream of a building with plenty of room to move about...with lots of study shelving to hold my supplies.....a place to "re-charge" my energies with no demands on my nerves, my body or my "inner child".....a place to be free to create with abandon.....my entire being needs this.